Painful Memories, Broken Moments
by PainfulMemories.BrokenMoments
Summary: "You can only force someone to do so much. After that, all you can do is let them know you're there." / "Should have looked before I crossed you, I guess I never thought I could have ever lost you." / "When you're dreaming with a broken heart. The waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees and for a moment you can hardly breathe." (Depression)


**Hey guys, I'm back with another one-shot.**

**Ally's P.o.v.**

Fine, I'll sing it, but you can't judge. "I promise, Ally. I won't judge it." We were so happy back then. So free. So innocent. We had nothing to worry about. I miss those days. The times that everything was perfect.

_This place is a hole, but I don't want to go  
I wish we could stay here forever alone.  
This time that we waste, but I still love your taste.  
Don't let him take my place, don't just sit there.  
Sometimes I wish you would leave me.  
Well, I'm not sick of you yet,  
is that as good as it gets?  
I'll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,  
It's so easy to come back into you.  
I stand for awhile and waited for words,  
Seen but not heard and struggled to try.  
My tongue's turning black, but I'll take you back.  
You're still the best more or less, I guess, I guess.  
Don't you leave me,  
Well, I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets?  
I'll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,  
It's so easy to come back into you.  
It hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay.  
And it might be alright if you go.  
It hurts me to say that I want you to stay,  
But it might be alright if you go.  
So leave me,  
well, I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets?  
I'll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,  
It's so easy to come back into you.  
Sometimes I think that the bitter in you and the quitter in me  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you and the quitter in me  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you and the quitter in me  
Is bigger than the both of us._

You left. You promised you'd never leave. Where are you now? Where are you when I need you? Where were you when I was falling apart? Where we're you when I was saying good-bye. Where were you when I couldn't breathe? Where were you when I needed you? I guess I knew you would always leave. I mean, I never really expected you to stay, but I was hoping you would. I keep thinking that if I leave you first I won't get hurt, but It's hurting me to leave. How do you leave someone you fell in love with? How do you walk away from someone who gave you every reason to stay? How do you leave someone who saved your life more than once? How do you leave someone who said they would never leave you? Every time I look in the mirror I see the person you made me. I see everything I am, because of you. When I look at myself I see someone different. I found a reason to change who I used to be, and the reason is you. I look at you for the last time, and whisper good-bye. You look at me, and say, "You'll come back right for me right?" I look at you and whisper, "Yes." You look at me and say, "You promise?" This time I look at the floor and say, "I promise." But this time my voice breaks. I look at you one last time and say, "I love you. No matter what I love you." I don't wait for you to reply. I take off running, and as soon as I'm a safe distance away, I let the tears fall. You think I wanted to leave you. I didn't, but I had to, I knew that if I waited longer it would hurt you. I couldn't watch myself hurt you, but you were okay before you met me. I was the one who needed saving, and you saved me. You have to understand that if I stayed you would have gotten hurt even more. You'll be okay, I promise. I needed you, you didn't need me. You were okay before you met me, so you'll be okay without me. I look at myself, and whisper, "I promise." And I know that he can't hear me, but I keep hoping that maybe if I say it enough, I won't fall apart again.

I know that I promised you I would come back, but if I don't, do me a favor. Don't worry about me. Don't miss me. Make me a memory. Don't let me hurt you anymore, because I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you. If I don't come back, don't blame yourself. You saved me then, but you can't save me this time. I can't be repaired, for if you try, you will also hurt yourself. I remember the first, and last thing you said to me. "You're to young to let the world break you." I looked at you and I replied, "It already has, I'm just waiting for an escape." You looked at me with tears in your eyes, and said one word. "No." I said, "Don't worry. I won't." And thats when I fell apart. Sitting here remembering. Thats when I realized how much I loved you. How much I still love you. Thats when I realized that I can't do this anymore. I need you, and thats when I realize I'll tell you good-bye the right way, so that we can both move on. I remember when you told me you would do anything for me. You still would. Do you know how hard it was to leave you? You thought I wanted to leave. You just don't understand, I didn't let you, but it was for your own good. I remember exactly what I said to you. "Don't worry about me. I'm not leaving. I just need a break from people. Everything going on right now. I just need to think, because I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix me, and I don't think you can help in this situation. I'll keep both my promises." I have to. I have to tell you good-bye. It's then that I start to write the letter.

_**Dear Austin:**__ It was never my choice to leave. I never wanted to hurt you, but I had to. I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay, because you would have left. Everyone does. I wanted to believe that you wouldn't but I cant. You still have people who care. People who would die for you. You still have a life. I can't be saved. You saw me. You saw the marks running down my arms. You saw how broken I was, and you can't help this time. I'm ready to go. I'm too tired. I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep telling myself I'm okay, because I know that I'm not. I know that I'm going to fall, and it's only a matter of time. I know that I won't be okay. I know that I won't to leave, but you have to understand that I never wanted to hurt you. I knew that if you weren't going to leave I would have to, because I knew I would get to my breaking point. I knew that I would end up leaving. There's a reason, I didn't want to get close to you. There's a reason it took me forever to trust you. To tell you what was going on. I don't regret it. You opened up to me first. You told me things you had never told anyone else, so I thought I would have to return the favor. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry I haven't always kept my promise. I'm sorry that I don't always regret breaking that promise. I'm sorry I tell you I'm fine when I'm not. I'm sorry I didn't promise everything you wanted me to. I'm sorry I'm not exactly what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I'm not near as strong as you thought I was. I'm sorry for not regretting letting you help me, because If I didn't let you help me I wouldn't be sorry for any of this, but most of all I'm sorry for being exactly who I am. _It's then that I slip the letter into an envelope, and drop it off at the post office.

I start to think. He leaves in a year. He'll go off to collage, and get married, and I'll still be here barely breathing. I'll fall apart again. We both know that, and we both know that a year isn't enough time. We still won't get to see each other. We both know that I have to go. Even if he doesn't want to admit it. He know's it will happen. He know this is to much for me. He know's I'm just waiting for my escape. He know's that I'll leave soon. He knows that I'm at my breaking point. I remember that song I sang to him. He didn't know what it meant then, but I bet he does now. I bet he understands how hard it was for me to sing it to him.

**Austin's P.o.v.**

The little things don't make you happy anymore. The things that used to bring a smile to your face. You don't remember how to make yourself happy anymore, and that's killing me. At night she lies in bed, she doesn't sleep like she normally would. She lays awake reflecting on everything in her life. Where she's going, what she's doing and it hurts, because she can't stand what she sees, in her head. All her positive thought were draining. Being ripped from her head only to grow back negatively. When she was alone the fake smile was ripped off her face too. The energy to pretend to be happy wears out as soon as she steps into her room.

She left. She really is gone now. I don't know why she left. She said she had to. She promised she would come back, but we both know she's just saying that to make it easier on me. I never thought she would leave, but I didn't really expect her to stay. After everything she's been through. I would have left a long time ago. She thinks I didn't need her. That she only needed me. She was wrong. I began to rely on her for help. For comfort. She saved me just as much as I saved her. She kept me sane. She kept me going when I didn't won't to. She always knew something was wrong even if I told her I was fine. I promised I would never hurt her, and I didn't. She told me she loved me. She didn't let me say it back. I wanted her to know how much I really cared. She thought she needed to fix herself when really everyone else needed to fix who they were. No one else knew what she went through. No one else knew what every scar on her arm was from. No one else knew why they were there. They thought she wanted attention. When all she really wanted was to be saved. She wanted someone who would die for her. She wanted to be loved for who she was. She wanted a reason to live. She needed a reason to stay. She needed someone to care. I remember what I always told her, to keep her here just a little bit longer. "Don't give up, okay? I know you've been hurt. I know how it feels. Believe me, I do. But the feeling will pass. The tears will stop falling. Your heart will heal itself." I remember telling her that she can't go. I remember telling her that I need her, and she kept arguing. She kept saying that I was doing fine without her, and that if she left I would be fine. She told me to make her a memory. She told me to forget. She told me that she would be okay, but she never knew that I saw the scars. She never knew that I would cry at night, because she wants to leave. She was always scared to come to me for help, because she thought she would bother me, but I wanted to help her. I wanted her to get through this. I wanted to save her. She thought she meant nothing to me. That she was just a charity case when in reality she was so much more. She was an angel. She would get upset with me for helping her, but I knew she was just scared looking for a way to make herself believe that I wouldn't leave. She was trying to convince herself that I was still here. I used to tell her she was going to be okay, even though I wasn't sure if she would be.

I got a letter from her today. I didn't want to open it. I didn't want to read it if it was going to hurt me. I ended up opening it anyway, and when I read it I fell apart. At first I froze. I reread it again to make sure I had read right. I did. _**Dear Austin:**__ It was never my choice to leave. I never wanted to hurt you, but I had to. I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay, because you would have left. Everyone does. I wanted to believe that you wouldn't but I cant. You still have people who care. People who would die for you. You still have a life. I can't be saved. You saw me. You saw the marks running down my arms. You saw how broken I was, and you can't help this time. I'm ready to go. I'm too tired. I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep telling myself I'm okay, because I know that I'm not. I know that I'm going to fall, and it's only a matter of time. I know that I won't be okay. I know that I won't to leave, but you have to understand that I never wanted to hurt you. I knew that if you weren't going to leave I would have to, because I knew I would get to my breaking point. I knew that I would end up leaving. There's a reason, I didn't want to get close to you. There's a reason it took me forever to trust you. To tell you what was going on. I don't regret it. You opened up to me first. You told me things you had never told anyone else, so I thought I would have to return the favor. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry I haven't always kept my promise. I'm sorry that I don't always regret breaking that promise. I'm sorry I tell you I'm fine when I'm not. I'm sorry I didn't promise everything you wanted me to. I'm sorry I'm not exactly what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I'm not near as strong as you thought I was. I'm sorry for not regretting letting you help me, because If I didn't let you help me I wouldn't be sorry for any of this, but most of all I'm sorry for being exactly who I am. _I kept re reading it. I thought no. Then I got up and threw something. I said no. This isn't happening. This isn't happening, but it is, and I can't stop it. We both knew that she wasn't going to be okay. We both kept saying she would, to keep her hopes up. I told her I was always going to be here for her.

It's been a week since the letter. I turned the news on, because of breaking news. I regret turning it on. No. She couldn't have. She didn't. But she did. I couldn't have stopped it. I should have been able to. She should have talked to me. I would have helped her. But I know that I couldn't have stopped her. She just couldn't deal with it anymore. She needed to leave, and she knew that. She told me good-bye. She did what she had to do, even if it hurt me. We both know I was the last person who cared about her. We both knew that I would eventually have to leave. I'm three years older than her. I'd be going to collage next year, and I would have had to leave. Rather I wanted to or not. I wouldn't be able to be here for her. And she knew that she would end up gone anyway. She's really gone now. She finally did it. She took her own life. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me good-bye. Not this time. She didn't know how much she hurt me By doing this. I still here it in the air. Your whisper. You telling me to let go, you telling me not to blame myself. You telling me you're happy now. You telling me that you love me, and you telling me not to blame myself. And the truth is, he misses her. When he goes to sleep she's his last thought, and when he wakes up, she's his first thought. She may be gone, but the memories are still there.

**I hope y'all like it, and I know it was kind of sad, but I like it. Thanks for reading. Please review. Pretty please. It would mean the world to me.**

_**-Painful Memories, Broken Pieces-**_


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